Eric's Thoughts

I have to admit it was a long weekend.  Jacob and Jozie’s wedding is done, and it was really a lot of work.  I have to say I’m glad.  My brother and sister (Ben and Emily) were up here and it was so good to see them again.  I really enjoyed the time we got to spend together.  They’ll be back up again in September for another wedding.  Excellent.  I started writing my speech for graduation today.  I’ve got a good start, but I want to finish it up tomorrow so I can start editing it.

Today was a good day.  This morning God showed me very clearly an attitude of envy, and selfishness that I have.  So all during breakfast I was convicted.  After breakfast I was repenting, and then during our strategic planning we watched a movie that was both encouraging and confirming.  He really pointed out that I need to give Him control.  Praise and recognition are His, not mine.  When they’re not mine I don’t have to worry about them.  It’s irrelevant.  God can do whatever He wants with His praise and recognition.  I have this picture of the whole thing in my head, but I don’t know how to type it out.

Psalm 76:10 Surly the wrath of man shall praise thee: the remainder of wrath shalt thou restrain.

I’m not sure what this means, but I really like the wording and contrast.

Proverbs 8:35-36 For whoso findeth me findeth life, and shall obtain favor of the LORD. But he that sinneth against me wrongeth his own soul: all they that hate me love death.

Wisdom is speaking. It is important, vital to be seeking after, chasing, striving for wisdom.

Today was good. I updated the staff bio page. Took Alison off and got Johnson’s on. I’m still waiting on info from Tiffany and Mader’s. I also tried getting Jim and Andy’s computers going again. I still haven’t figured out the AutoCad install for Jim, and I cannot get Andy’s wireless to connect with our network. Very frustrating so I spent the end of the day helping Jeramy at the nature center. The weather was great, and I got to do some manual labor. That part was very much enjoyable.

Psalm 75:7 But God is the judge: he putteth down one, and setteth up another.

I Chronicles chapter 2 was also genealogies. I really struggle reading these. I know God has them in the Bible for a reason, but I don’t understand it.

This evening I’ve been reading the book The Hole in Our Gospel by Richard Stearns.  I’ve very much been convicted that I need to be doing more for the poor.  So I went to the World Vision website and I am now sponsoring a child.  Here is my question (which I will throw out into the great abyss of the Internet not really expecting a response): What are my motives?  Am I doing this out of my love for Christ or simply guilt?  God looks at my heart.  Christ says if I love Him I will obey his commands.  He commands me to take care of the poor.  Is it because of my love for Christ that I feel guilty?  How do I love this child (his name is Samuel and he lives in Kenya) who is so far away?

I almost didn’t do the sponsorship, but my only reason for not doing it was “I can’t afford it.”  Since this is obviously a lie I went ahead and did it any ways.  How do I know when to stop?  I’ve always been scared if I started doing things like this I would start caring, really caring, and would end up giving all my money away.  Why does that scare me?  How stupid is that?  Yet it is there, even now.   I have a really twisted heart.

Proverbs 6:20-22 My son, keep thy father’s commandment, and forsake not the law of thy mother: Bind them continually upon thine heart, and tie them about thy neck. When thou goest, it shall lead thee; when thou sleepest, it shall keep thee; and when thou awakest, it shall talk with thee.

6:32 But whoso committeth adultery with a woman lacketh understanding: he that doeth it destroyeth his own soul.

This is why porn is so bad. This is why it scares me so much. Christ said if you look at a women lustfully you have committed adultery with her in your heart. Adultery destroys souls.

The new week has begun.  I spent most of my day in the Trading Post again redoing our cash register system.  Donna and I managed to lock ourselves out of the software last week, so I had to reset all of it today.  I imagine most of the rest of this week will be spent getting ready for Jacob and Jozie’s wedding.  The ministry team was in Glendive this past weekend.  We stayed at the Stevenson’s house, it was good to see them.  Other than that nothing is really new.

Psalm 73:15 Whom have I in heaven but thee? And there is none upon earth that I desire beside thee.

Can I honestly say that?

Proverbs 5:21 For the ways of man are before the eyes of the LORD, and he pondereth all his goings.

What a terrifying and beautiful thought. He sees all of me, without pretense. He loves me in-spite of it.

So not much happened today.  I discovered that script that I worked so hard at is not needed.  That was a bummer.  I did finally get the kbarcode program figured out.  That was good, but I wish I could have done it earlier.  Also there seems to be a problem with it.  Any who, I wont boar (sp or just the wrong word?)  you with the details.

Psalms 72:18-19 Blessed by the LORD God, the God of Israel, who only doeth wondrous things. And blessed be his glorious name for ever: and let the whole earth be filled with his glory; Amen, and Amen.

I think my title is self explanatory.  My car is fixed… finally.  I haven’t actually driven it since some time around July of last year.  It cost a lot, but it works now.  That is my exciting news for the day.  My bad news, is that though my script (which I spent like four days on) works, for some reason my barcode images don’t.  I’ve got to go back and redo that part.  I cooked lunch today, and that went well.  We had spaghetti.  It turned out fine, but I got the garlic bread a bit to brown.

Psalm 71:12 O God, be not far from me: O my God, make haste for my help.

71:17-18 O God, thou has taught me from my youth: and hitherto have I declared thy wondrous works. Now also when I am old and grayheaded, O God, forsake me not; until I have shewed thy strength unto this generation, and thy power to every one that is come.

This is how I want to live. I also want to do this (though I have not yet reached the gray headed part).

71:20 Thou, which hast shewed me great and sore troubles, shalt quicken me again, and shalt bring me up again from the depths of the earth.

Proverbs 3:3 Let not mercy and truth forsake thee: bind them about thy neck; write them upon the table of thine heart:

3:7 Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the LORD, and depart from evil.

II Kings 23:25 And like unto him was there no king before him, that turned to the LORD with all his heart, with all his soul, and with all his might, according to all the law of Moses; neither after him arose there any like him.

He turned to the Lord with all his heart, soul and might. Father please show me, teach me, work in me so that this can also be said of me.

I have a lot rolling around in my head tonight.  Confession vs. change.  Dying to self.  Submitting to the Holy Spirit.  The correct out working of my faith so that, and in order to, bring glory to God.  This is my purpose, the reason for my existence.

I do not want to fall into the trap of believing that knowledge and “good conversation” are a substitute for action.  Love.  Why do I lack it?  Is it because my belief in God’s love is to small?  Is it because I have (deep inside where I don’t admit it) a belief that I am some how intrinsically lovable?  Why am I so quick to see others sin and so slow to see mine?  Why do I insist others stop sinning while I do not need to ?  Why is God’s grace only for me and not others?  All of this ties back into love, humility, submission, a complete denial of self.  I’m sorry, I’m rambling.

Psalm 70 Make haste, O God, to deliver me; make haste to help me, Oh LORD. Let them be ashamed and confounded that seek after my soul: let them be turned backward, and put to confusion, that desire my hurt. Let them be turned back for a reward of their shame that say, Aha, aha. Let all those that seek thee rejoice and be glad in thee: and let such as love thy salvation say continually, let God be magnified. But I am poor and needy: make haste unto me, O God: thou art my help and my deliverer: O LORD, make no tarrying.

This psalm almost perfectly says what I’m trying to say. Father please quickly come. I cannot do this on my own. I do not know how to submit. I cannot comprehend dying to myself. It is only because of the Holy Spirit’s work in me that these things can happen. I am poor and needy make haste; help me and deliver me.

Proverbs 2:10-12 When wisdom entereth into thine heart, and knowledge is pleasant unto thy soul; Discretion shall preserve thee, understanding shall keep thee: To deliver thee from the way of the evil man, from the man that speaketh froward things;

II Kings 22:18-20 But to the king of Judah which sent you to enquire of the LORD, thus shall ye say to him, Thus saith the LORD God of Israel, As touching the words which thou has heard; Because thine heart was tender, and thou has humbled thyself before the LORD, when thou heardest what I spake against this place, and against the inhabitants thereof, that they should become a desolation and a curse, and hast rent thy clothes, and wept before me; I also have heard thee, saith the LORD. Behold therefore, I will gather thee unto thy fathers, and thou shalt be gathered into thy grave in peace; and thine eyes shall not see all the evil which I will bring upon this place. And they brought the king word again.

A tender heart and humility.

My car has been sick for quite a while now.  I finally know what is wrong with it though.  The timing belt slipped.  Fixing that is fairly strait forward, but if my valves are bent it becomes really expensive.  I’m really hoping the valves aren’t bent.  Either way it will be nice to have my car back.  They say you shouldn’t blog unless you have something to say, and I suspect this is one blog that should not have been written.  I have nothing to say.  My work in the Trading Post progresses slowly.  I’m counting inventory and entering it into the computer.  I’ve run into a few more snags with bar-codes, and gift cards but I suspect given a few more days it’ll work itself out (or it’ll be more than a few days, whatever… it will get worked out).  So with that I stop.  Sorry if I bored you.  I’m tired and I think that is part of the problem.  Even devotions tonight just didn’t seem to say much to me.  Perhaps I should listen more closely.

So the past couple of post’s I’ve mentioned that I’m setting up a POS system in our camp store.  The software we are using is actually DOS software that I was running in Linux.  The program worked fine, but printing receipts was simply not happening.  After spending several fruitless days trying to get it to work I’m afraid I have to admit I can’t do it.  I found a couple of Windows 98 CD’s laying around and I am in the process of installing that.  I had to swallow my pride.  I’m a Linux fan boy, and it hurt to have to give in.  The good news is that it works (at least on the first computer), so over all I guess you could say I came out ahead.  It has largely been an uneventful week.  The Arrowhead students had ministry team today.  It went well, and the pot luck afterwards was good.  I really like church pot lucks.  But I digress, and this post is getting long any ways.

Psalm 68:19 Blessed be the Lord, who daily loadeth us with benefits, even the God of our salvation. Selah.

II Kings 20:6 And I will add unto thy days fifteen years; and I will deliver thee and this city out of the hand of the king of Assyria; and I will defend this city for mine own sake, and for my servant David’s sake.

It is the last part of this verse I find interesting. For His own sake and for David’s sake he delivered Hezekiah. I don’t know why, but I find this intriguing.

So I realize now that it has been a while since I’ve posted.  Sorry about that.  Quick update.  Things have been going well.  I spent this Saturday with the guys from my Bible study working on Tiffany’s (she is interning here at BMCR) house.  That was actually fun, the weather was beautiful.  I was amazed how tired I was at the end of the day (I’ve been sitting in an office to long).  However we finished a wall, got the second story floor up, and put the roof on so all in all I think it was a productive day.   Today I spent working on Andy’s computer and more work in the Trading Post.  I had a meeting with Donna, and she gave me a whole list of things I need to figure out how to do with our new POS program, so I’m looking forward to that.  Other than that nothing is new.  I’m tired as usual but I’m not sure why.

Psalm 67:1 God be merciful to us, and bless us, and cause his face to shine upon us; Selah.

Amen.

Proverbs 30:5 Every word of God is pure: he is a shield to them that put their trust in him.

In whom do I trust? If it is myself or others I am lost. There is no protection there. If my trust is in Christ I have a shield that none can over come. How foolish I am when I trust in things other than my savior.

30:8-9 Remove far from me vanity and lies: give me neither poverty nor riches; feed me with food convenient for me: Lest I be full, and deny thee, and say, Who is the LORD? Or lest I be poor, and steal, and take the name of my God in vain.

All things in moderation. How quickly I can take the blessings God has given me and some how think I have brought them about. He is the giver of all good things, and when I forget that I start putting my trust in other things, which ties right back into verse 5.

30:12 There is a generation that are pure in their own eyes, and yet is not washed from their filthiness.

The sad part is I read this and immediately start thinking of people I know that this applies to. How easy it is for me to point out every one else’s sin, and in the busyness of doing that ignore my own. If I had half the concern for my sin that I’ve got for others sin I would be a very different person.